he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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