Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
