could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
