What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize