i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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