she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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