Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
