I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
