Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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