What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
