My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
