She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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