I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
