We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
