i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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