i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
