i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
