Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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