I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
