I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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