i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
