That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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