party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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