Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
