You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
