u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
