you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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