Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
