just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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