youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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