My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You need a sexual gate keeper
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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