Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
