It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
