We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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