this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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