i love accidental penises.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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