What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
