he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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