you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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