If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
