I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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