Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
