I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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