dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
