You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
