the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
