I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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