the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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