I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize