I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
