i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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