would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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