If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
