there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize