All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i drank out of a bidet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
