Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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