I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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