maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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