I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
