Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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